2 Months Today

Two months today - June 15 - Sunday - Father's Day - we lost Dad. It just does not seem possible that he is gone. Nor is it right that Mom is gone, too. I wish everyone could have known him. He was the most caring, generous, kind, and funny person I have ever known. I was so proud to have him as my Dad. I wish I could have told him how proud I was, but I didn't get the chance. I'm not the kind of person to express my feelings to people. I don't tell the people I love that I love them near enough. I'm not the kind of person to give hugs and kisses every time I see people either. I need to change my ways. I need to be that person. I need to tell everyone that I love them. I need to give hugs. I need to give extra kisses. I would give anything to be able to hug my Mom and Dad one more time. I'm only 34 and I still need/want my Mom and Dad. It's just not right that I don't have them here with me. I'm trying to find comfort in knowing that they are both together.... and it does make me feel better. They were absolute best friends, married 50 years, devoted to each other. Dad could have walked away many years ago, but he didn't. He stood by my Mom's side for 25 years with her MS. He fed her, changed her, moved her, brushed her hair and teeth..... he did everything for her that she couldn't do for herself. Yes, he occasionally bit his tongue when she asked him 10 times to move her legs or 10 times to feed the birds - in the middle of a pouring rain, blizzard, and a 110 degree day - but you know what? He did what she asked everytime - maybe not at the second she asked (and she wanted him to!), but he did it. He was such a remarkable person, as was Mom. I miss them terribly. I love you Dad. I love you Mom.

4 Short Years Ago....

I came across this picture this afternoon and I just couldn't help but post it. I've been talking about how quickly the kids are growing up... and how they don't get along 9 times out of 10! They are so happy in this picture... they really used to get along pretty well. Brooke would have been 5 in this picture and Blake would have been 2. Those were the days....

"BJ" "Irv" "Scooter" "Lance"

Yes, these are all 3 names that Blake goes by. My sister Carrie has always called him "BJ" since his name is Blake Jeffrey. He decided a couple weeks ago that he wants to be called "Irv" - so not sure why! Cathi and I sometimes call him "Scooter" - I think it's so cute! Then he told me 2 years ago that he wanted his name changed to "Lance"???? I listed some of my favorite things about Brooke so I thought I better do the same for Blake!

1. Blake + Dirt = Best Friends If there is dirt within 100 yards of Blake, he's going to find it. You might not be able to identify him by the time he's done, but he sure does have a lot of fun!

2. Blake has this raspiness to his voice that is absolutely adorable.

3. He has the same big blue eyes as his big sister.

4. He's jumped 2 sizes in his jeans - not for the size of his waist, for length! Whoever invented adjustable waist jeans is my hero! I have to cinch them up just about as tight as they will go (you know when there is 8" of elastic hanging out of the top of the jeans!?) but he needs the length for his long, skinny legs! By the way, he has no butt either! Who does he get that from? I seriously have NO idea! I was always a skinny little girl, but NEVER tall!

5. Blake + SUGAR = Best Friends! Blake is a candy-holic. His diet is not very well-balanced. I won't get into that though, it shows what a bad mother I am!

6. Blake is such an animal lover! Loves them all - big and small - well, except for reptiles!

7. He has in inherent "need for speed". The faster he goes, the bigger his head gets, the more his heart races! He loves anything with a motor. I think he would enjoy swimming in our pool more if he could fit a jet ski in there. The faster and louder your truck is, the more likely you are to be his best friend.

8. His biggest and bestest friends are his cousins - Chase 23, Luke 19, and Erik 16. Does that give us any indication of how early he will be getting into trouble? I have already threatened all of them with their lives that they better not EVER buy him beer!

9. He is "all boy". Silly, ornery, mouthy, fast, dirty - but he can be soooo darn sweet, too!

And best of all, he is such a "mommy's boy". I don't care that he is 7 1/2!

A little more about Brooke

1. Brooke has such a good sense of humor. She can really make a room light up. As annoying as it is to me sometimes when she get showing off, she sure makes others laugh. I guess I need to relax a little more about that.

2. The last time she was at the doctor, she was 55" tall. I'm only 62" tall. Plus, I think she's grown about 2 inches this summer. It won't be long until she is taller than me!

3. I wonder if she has restless leg syndrome. Sleep with her sometime and let me know your opinion. I'll have a sign-up sheet on my fridge so you can sign up to spend the night, but sleep with her in her own bed!

4. She loves her friends and going to their houses. Obviously!

5. She loves her cousin Rachel, who is also her best friend. In fact she told her yesterday that if she was mad that Brooke was going to Six Flags, Brooke would stay home so Rachel could go. Rachel said no. What would Brooke have done if Rachel said yes?

6. She can be such a "girl", then turn around and jump on her 4 wheeler and fly through the mud, put on her workboots and woller through the manure washing/cleaning her steer. Such a good combo of a girl!

7. She can be such a good help around here. If I ask her to do something, I usually don't get any static about it. I'm pretty lucky.

8. She also has the prettiest blue eyes! Gets them from her Dad.

9. She bit, yes BIT, her brother yesterday. He pissed her off and she bit him. Remember she has braces. That felt good, huh Blake? So I guess she's a little short-tempered. Must get that from her Dad, too.

10. She wants to shave her legs! Oh my gosh, we would have to use the clippers on them for the first time. She has alot of hair on her legs. I don't think I'm ready for that!!!

11. She looks just like me! How lucky am I? We get so many comments about how much we look alike. One lady at the fair asked if we were sisters! Don't know who she was, but she is now my newest best friend! She acts a lot like me, too. My mom always said that I deserve everything I'm getting from her. I'm sure that both Dad and Mom are laughing as they watch from above!

And she is my little best friend. I love you, Brooke!

I guess maybe I'm missing her a little bit this morning. I'll sure be excited to see her Sunday!

My future 10 year old!

Gosh, I guess it's been a while since I've posted, huh? I was kindly reminded of that by my sister, but I don't understand why she wants me to post - she knows everything that happens here.

Where has the past 10 years gone? Brooke is going to turn 10 next Sunday and it's just so hard for me to believe! We went birthday shopping last night to pick up a few things she asked for. Her birthday list was a combination of more "grown up" stuff and still the girlie stuff she loves - Barbies! The girl plays with Barbies all the time! She also wants her ears pierced - for the 2nd time!! I remember when she got them pierced for the 1st time. She was 5 and she cried after the first ear was pierced and didn't want the 2nd one pierced! Pretty sure we won the award for the longest time it took to pierce a little girl's ears!

We went out for supper last night with our friend Joel, and Jeff made the comment how much Brooke has changed. She is going through a growth spurt - definitely shooting up and thinning out a little bit. He also said that he hasn't seen her that much this summer. I got to thinking about that and ..... he's right! He works all day, and by the time he gets home, she's usually off somewhere. Like right now.... where is Brooke? In St. Louis at Six Flags! And not with us!! She is experiencing her first "weekend away" with her friend Shania. They left at 1:00 yesterday and will return Sunday afternoon, so it really is a short trip. Nevertheless, I was a little nervous when I dropped her off! I think this is a little of our conversation on the way to town-

"Now, remember, Brooke - use your manners and be polite. Say please and thank you. You have your own money to buy your tickets and meals, but I know that Angela probably won't let you use it, but be sure to offer. Make sure you talk slowly so they can understand you. Stay right with them, don't wander off. If you think you won't like a ride, don't go on it. Take care of your teeth - make sure you brush AND pick! Are you listening, Brooke Ann? This is serious. Are you sure you want to go? I can't drive to St. Louis to get you. Well, I can, but I don't really want to. Ok, so you know everything ---"

Then she told me to be quiet. Typical.

Hmmmm....

And we wonder why he doesn't want to sell Bullet? My gosh, he lays on top of him for long periods of time at these shows and in the barn! A little attached maybe??

Advice Needed!

Oh my, I do not know what I am going to do! I need some advice. Now, I know some of you might get tired of my show steer talk, but I need you to listen one more time because I am in need of some advice.

We were choring tonight when Brooke (followed shortly by Blake) started crying hysterically!
She told me that she is NOT going to take Stewart (her steer) to the Fall Festival because she's not going to let him get butchered. Well, that's the deal - it's a terminal sale. You sell them after the show, tie them out one last time, and go home without them. I guess reality has set in with the kids, knowing now that there is just one more show until they get sold. I don't know what to do. I, of course, started crying, too, and I think Jeff was getting a little misty in the eyes! They cried and carried on for over 30 minutes. I tried explaining them that that's what steers are for - meat. They think they should be able to stay on the farm forever! I tried telling them that they are raising a product that everyone else benefits from. Didn't work. I tried telling them that we are getting new calves and we would look forward to those. Didn't work. I tried telling them that maybe they could go to a big feedlot in Texas (my nose grew on that one) and they could be fed out with other steers. Didn't work. Also told them that if we don't sell them, the festival men would come out and get them while we were at school. Now they don't want to ever go to school again and they want new locks put on the barn. Guess that didn't work either!

When we came inside after that, Jeff did tell me that I need to start making some phone calls to line up a couple heifers for them - they don't have to sell them! They keep them and then will always have their babies. I just don't know how we are going to handle this - I need some help! I feel so bad that we ever put the kids in this position!!! HELP!